Atheism : My calling, a struggle in the Philippines
The Philippines is known for its lovely islands and lovely people. A smile everywhere, that is what you see when you visit the islands. Beneath those smiles are real life stories of pain, suffering and torture and fear of the unknown.
The Philippines is also known for its poverty, prostitutes, and children for sale, despite the fact that it is 80% Roman Catholic. A shame, indeed, people are still living in the dark ages, delusion of grandeur, a natural phenomenon for the very poor, like Juan Tamad, waiting for the apple to fall on his lap. A pity for most, since money and jobs are scarce, people are forced to get out of the country like myself to make ends meet and savor the luxury of life.
I was in elementary school in grade five, when I discovered science, when I became a skeptic. I could not accept my mother’s explanation that I came from a bamboo split opened by a lightning. I thought, it did not make sense at all. I have questions galore that nobody could answer. I just let it go, but, at the back of my mind, my questions lingered. I went with the flow, joined a choir at our nearby church. The military church was always jam packed with people taking communions, but these are the people who love to gossip and back stab our neighbors. Funny, but those who are going to church are the most abnormal in my eyes. They are good only with their own flock and those outside their circle were treated like garbage. They treated me like garbage. Another confusion and cob web in my mind. Why did a god allow this? I let it go, who am I to question their behavior. Who am i to question a god? I am only a small fish.
I have never been religious, but was forced to go to church only by my mother, who thinks everything came from a god. In college, a military chaplain (priest) was always showing me his erection even inside the church. I was as naive as a newly bloomed flower and could not understand what was that all about, until one night, at a party, he tried to get me drunk and brought me to a secluded place. I realized something was wrong with that scenario and I ran away, never to go back to that church again, however, I did not report the incident to anybody. Who am I ? People will just wag their tongues and brand me as a girl of “ill repute”. Besides, who will believe in a poor girl like me? The priest can never do such a thing.
I was a very good girl, why on earth I was not receiving gifts from Santa Claus? Another detective work for me. I did my own research, asked around and did my very own investigations. At an early age, I was able to crack the mystery that there was no Santa Claus. Only the parents played santa, but since, we were poor, we did not get any gifts from our parents. There was no santa, he never appeared to me nor I have seen a trace of him. There was no santa claus.
I was still on a searching mode, when I finished college. I graduated at the top of my class, cum laude at a famous university in Cebu province. I went to Kingdom of Saudi Arabia due to the need to secure some funds to be utilized to go to the USA. While in the KSA, I almost became a Muslim. I thought it was necessary at that time. I almost memorized the whole “salah” . Things happened for a reason, at least that was what I believe in before, I had a very tragic experience in the KSA. Long story short, a Filipino man persuaded me to believe that he was the right man for me and we ended up marrying and produced one child. He ran away without any reason never to be found again.. what did I do wrong? Where did I go wrong? I accepted that it was just a test of my existence. Still, there were cobwebs in my mind, why bad things happen to good people? If there were a god, should he, at least, intervene? or stop these misfortunes in my life?
My skepticism was once again rekindled. I went to the USA and discovered that I am really free to practice religion. Still I went a searching, I joined a born again / christian group who think that they are saved. I thought I was also saved, until one time, the pastor wanted ten thousand dollar donation from me. That broke the camel’s back..why should I donate that much? I have no money! Long story short, I did not go back to that church, because I felt like they were ripping me off..Aren’t we supposed to give what we can afford, not forced to share 10% of your income. I could not understand the logic behind it. Another query about the importance of religion and god.
I witnessed 911, a true tragedy, bigger than life. Why would a loving god allow this to happen? There were good and bad people in those twin towers. Why? again and again, the good are being victimized. Is there a god? where is he? is he worthy of my praise? I guess not.. so I came out as an atheist.
Actions speak louder than words. I am tired of debates, discussions and trying to convince people that atheism is better and a better way of life. No more wastage of emotions, prayers that are not effective, tithes, church meetings with the hypocrites and gossipers.
Atheism is still a struggle in the Philippines. It connotes satanism, evil, demon, what have you, a truly negative connotation. who cares? I made all my sisters atheist without much ado. They saw my struggles, they saw my success, better still, I became the santa claus in our household.
I am now a militant atheist. I am supporting all atheistic movements in the Philippines. I have teamed up with some atheistic groups on the internet and we are ebullient in proposing projects, all in the name of atheism. Groups to reckon with are Filipino Freethinkers, Critical Thinking Filipinos, PATAS and Pinoy Atheist. Why am I doing this? because I want to pay it forward : To propagate atheism in the Philippines as an option to any organized religion. I am encouraging Filipinos to believe in themselves, put their best foot forward, to be kind and good without god and stop the delusion that a god is watching over us. (www.patas.co)
“There are no gods, no devils, no angels, no heaven or hell. There is only our natural world. Religion is but myth and superstition that hardens hearts and enslaves minds.” ~ Anne Nicol Gaylor